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Tuesday...Rainy Day

Today, I lose to myself again.

Ah Ming send me a picture. I miss the time you fall in love with me. Although now I am not sure, that is the real you, or now is the real you.

Siti suddenly show up at hotel lobby. She pass by Bintulu, so come and check me out. She called and say wanna make so complain. Professionally, I went down and yell like crazy when saw her.

She ask me why, why I become so thin and old. I am afraid. So afraid. What had happen to me. I am really very tired. But I don't know what to do.

She ask me izzit the girl from hotel too.

I told her not to say anymore. I don't want to mention anymore.

Still remember the place we use to yell together, facing the sea?

Is been so long I force myself not to cry. Today I failed again. I went to that secret hideout and cry out loud, so loud that only sea can hear me.

Do you know, my heart ache each time you hang up the phone when hear my voice. My heart ache too each time I hang up the phone when I hear your voice.

I don't want to be like this, but I just can't get myself to forgive you.

Everything happen for a reason. I know I should accept it.

I can, is been a long time I didn't see your Facebook. Is been a long time, I make you transparent in my eye.

Is been a long time, I didn't get angry when people tell me what you say me in Facebook.

But, sometimes, when all the memory flash back, it still ache. So ache.

How I hope Flora and Rosni come back. I realize, I am really afraid to face everyone when they are not around.

Lunch time, I find reason to eat alone. I am lazy to talk, because I am afraid ah ming will say something again, which I really don't wish and don't want to hear anymore. But, I know I can't throw him to lunch alone, because he choose me over the cheebaii. He see me cry, stand by my side and accompany me through the pain. He thought I am alright already now, so he dare to joke. So I show that I am alright, alright, really alright.